I just saw a hot homeless man
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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