I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
