Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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