How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
