she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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