why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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