Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
