She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
