I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
