Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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