I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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