apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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