Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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