Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
