at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
