great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
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You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
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crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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