I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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