you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
