respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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