It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
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All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
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He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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