yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
