i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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