just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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