like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
