and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
