Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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