guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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