they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
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she pinky promised me she was 18
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
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He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"