uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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