we have pet lesbian snakes
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon