And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
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My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.