I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
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this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
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I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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