I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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