gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
