Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
