i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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