i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
