This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
