You're my little dorito
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
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I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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