you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
