he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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