I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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