when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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