Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
