i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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