We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
