I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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