The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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