She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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