yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
