So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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