Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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