before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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