You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
