Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
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I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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