my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
