i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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