Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
