this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
