I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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