Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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