I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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