We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
