I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
