Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
