sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
