I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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