my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
