I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
