Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
