I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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