Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
