I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
smell my finger.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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