I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
