I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
