My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
