i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
