you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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