If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
