Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
