I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
