So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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