she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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