paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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