The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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