The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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